


Tastes Like You, Only Sweeter

by AnAngelFeatherforMyHunter



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Almost smut, Alternate Universe, Angst with a kind of happy ending, Depression, Drunken Confessions, Drunkenness, Dubiously Consensual Blow Jobs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Mild Language, Okay Maybe Not So Mild
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 09:28:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5580307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnAngelFeatherforMyHunter/pseuds/AnAngelFeatherforMyHunter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*Rape/NonCon warning is for those of you that find dubious consent to be rape as well. There is no noncon in this story*</p><p>“You sure you wanna do that, Barnes?” Natasha had asked skeptically over the phone.</p><p>“Why the fuck wouldn’t I, Nat? I deserve to get shitfaced after all of this bull. If worst comes to worst, I know you’ll have my back, right?” Bucky finished, feeling a little less sure about his plan as he spoke.</p><p>“Yeah, fine. I’ll call up everyone else. Be warned, Barnes, he’s gonna be there, whether you want him there or not,” Natasha said exasperatedly before she hung up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tastes Like You, Only Sweeter

**Author's Note:**

> If you couldn't already tell, this story was loosely inspired by the Fall Out Boy song Thnks Fr Th Mmrs. I'll link it in the footnotes section.
> 
> This was a quick oneshot that I had to do because the idea wouldn't leave my head the second I thought of it, and who better to share it with than you lovely people? Enjoy, dolls!

Bucky knocked back his fourth glass of Jack Daniels, grimacing at the taste, and held up his hand for another round. The bartender glanced at him and hesitated with the whiskey, before pouring the standard amount in a fresh glass, despite his moral compass telling him not to.

“Make it a double,” Bucky muttered, glancing to the right of him.

There he was, Steve, the love of his life, laughing and talking to their friends and acting as if Bucky were never there in the first place.

“C’mon man, be generous,” Bucky groaned, looking at his glass again. The kid complied and scurried off when Bucky waved his hand, raising the glass to his lips.

“Five,” Bucky sighed after he set the glass down. It wasn’t as if he could blame anyone else for his predicament; he had been the one to call up the gang and ask if they could all go out for drinks.

“You sure you wanna do that, Barnes?” Natasha had asked skeptically over the phone.

“Why the fuck wouldn’t I, Nat? I deserve to get shitfaced after all of this bull. If worst comes to worst, I know you’ll have my back, right?” Bucky finished, feeling a little less sure about his plan as he spoke.

“Yeah, fine. I’ll call up everyone else. Be warned, Barnes, he’s gonna be there, whether you want him there or not,” Natasha said exasperatedly before she hung up.

That was the problem, though: Bucky wanted him there. He couldn’t even lie to himself, he didn’t want to get to get shitfaced to forget, he wanted to get so drunk that the memories wouldn’t hurt for a change. He needed to see Steve one more time, spend one more night with him.

Two months ago, Steve called it quits on their relationship. Well, he’d said he needed “space”, which is the equivalent of “I’m breaking up with you.” Bucky understood what was happening, but he wasn’t okay with it. In fact, Bucky just wasn’t okay, period. Bucky needed Steve like he needed oxygen, but it wasn’t as if Bucky could change Steve’s mind. So, he said that he agreed and left. Told Steve he was going to be out with Natasha for the rest of the day to get his now-ex-boyfriend off his case.

Really, Bucky stepped out of Steve’s building and hyperventilated so bad that he puked. Needless to say, Bucky was snuggled up to Steve’s pillow the rest of the night, sobbing his eyes out.

After a few days, he’d decided that the best thing to do was accept that what he wanted was no longer within his grasp and that he should just move on. Well, at least, that was what he’d planned to do. 

He saw Steve holding someone else’s hand while in the checkout line at the grocery store. He felt like one of those cartoon characters whose jaw had dropped to the floor and couldn’t be returned to normal position without a pull string. He was paralyzed with hurt and anger and sadness, unable to turn away from Steve’s smile directed at another guy.

Steve didn't see him.

Later that night, Bucky called him, drunk and angry, and confronted his ex with the new knowledge he had.

“Were you fucking cheating on me, Steve?” Bucky slurred into the microphone of his cell.

“Bucky, you’re drunk,” Steve responded, unamused.

“I saw you with whoever the fuck that was at the supermarket today. Don’t try to pretend, Stevie,” Bucky shouted.

Steve audibly gasped. 

“Buck, I can-” he began.

“No, you listen here, dickbag. I fucking loved you. What, was one ass not enough territory to stuff your cock in?” Bucky asked sardonically. 

“Does he taste better than me? Fucking what, Steve? What the fuck did I do?” Great, he was now sobbing into the phone at his ex.

“Bucky, listen to me, it’s not like that. We just-” Steve tried again.

“It’s not like that my ass. Fuck you, Rogers. Fuck you. I thought you loved me,” Bucky cried before pressing End Call and throwing his phone at the wall. In his drunken and emotional state, the call seemed like a good idea. First thing in the morning, he was so full of regret, he started crying all over again.

He picked up his miraculously not-broken phone and scrubbed at his eyes before shooting Natasha a text and curling up on the couch.

Since that day at the supermarket, Bucky was extremely not-okay. He spent most of his time in a drunken stupor and cried the night away, until he fell asleep. He only went into work sporadically and almost constantly refused company. He had terrible dreams, didn’t eat much, and spent a lot of time throwing up; partially because the volume of alcohol he regularly ingested and partially because it was his way of forgetting, even if only for a moment, how shitty his life was without Steve.

Within the next few weeks, he cleaned up his act and got himself back out into the regular world. He was still hurting, a fuck ton as a matter of fact, but he knew he had adult responsibilities to attend to. 

Not much happened over the month afterward, except for the moment he decided to go on a group outing at which Steve would be present.

And now, he was here, staring morosely into his glass of whiskey and wishing that he’d had more time with Steve.

He guzzled down his drink and motioned for another one, and another one after that, and another one after that, much to the dismay of his companions and the man tending his drunk ass.

He ended up throwing away a hundred and twenty dollars on whiskey that night. Later, he would most certainly regret it, but, for the time being, liquid courage was a real thing and it was racing through his veins.

Their company had petered out over the hours; Natasha and Bruce left first, what with them living together. Clint, Tony, Thor, Pietro, and Rhodey had all decided that they wanted to go out to a strip club, so they left promptly within the hour. Loki had managed to seduce Wanda into spending the night with him, so, needless to say, they weren’t at the bar anymore. It was only Bucky, Sam, and Steve.

“Alright man,” Sam laughed, “I’ll catch up with you some other time.”

“It was good to see you, Sam,” Steve smiled, wrapping Sam in what could only be described as a bro-hug.

Sam glanced at Bucky and then back at Steve, wearing a wary expression.

“You gonna be okay with just him?” Sam asked, his voice pitched so that Bucky couldn’t hear him.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I’ve gotta take him home,” Steve sighed, looking uncomfortably in Bucky’s general direction.

“You sure? I can take him if you don’t want to,” Sam offered, still looking mildly uncomfortable himself.

“Nah, I got it. We need to talk anyway,” Steve shrugged and ushered Sam away.

“Fine, but if you find yourself in a fucked situation, know that it’s only your fault,” Sam hissed at him as he was pushed away.

“Yeah, got it,” Steve called after him.

Now it was down to Bucky and Steve.

Bucky’s heart was racing, sweat was beading on his forehead. _Shoulda headed home when Nat left,_ he thought to himself. _Too late now._

“Alright Buck, let’s get you home,” Steve said warmly as he plopped down next to his ex-boyfriend.

“Let me…let me finish my drink. Then, I’ll go with you.” It was taking all of Bucky’s brain power to come up with simple sentences. _Well, I’m fucked,_ he thought as he tossed back the rest of the bad whiskey, pushing his glass and a twenty towards the bartender and getting up.

“Hey, Steve?” Bucky asked, grabbing at Steve’s sleeve.

“Yeah, Buck?” Steve turned around just in time to grab his ex before he fell over.

“D’ya think…maybe I can stay at…your place. Since it’s closer ’n shit…and I gotta get my car…in the morning,” Bucky struggled to string together the words swirling through his head.

“Uhhh, I don’t think that’s the best…” Steve trailed off, really looking at Bucky.

“Puh-p…lease,” Bucky asked, his eyes starting to water. Steve took pity on him.

“Uhm, yeah. Sure. Let’s get you to the car, first,” Steve nodded, already feeling the suffocating sadness surrounding Bucky settle around him.

“Th…thanks,” Bucky slurred, leaning on Steve as they walked to Steve’s car.

The ride to Steve’s apartment was silent. Good for Bucky’s hurt addled mind, but extremely awkward for Steve.

Steve helped Bucky stumble into his apartment, his face pressed into Steve’s collarbone.

“Steeeeeve,” Bucky exhaled, enjoying the scent that seemed to cling to Steve, no matter how sweaty or clean he was.

“Hmm?” Steve asked, currently focused on clearing off his couch.

All it took was one look at Steve’s face (two faces? maybe three, he couldn’t tell anymore) and Bucky knew that he had to kiss him again.

He uncoordinatedly tipped his head up, his lips slack as he sloppily pressed them to Steve’s.

Steve flinched in surprise, but didn’t move away. He didn’t respond either, but Bucky took his chances and continued to kiss his ex-boyfriend, hoping that Steve would kiss back eventually.

Within a few moments, Steve palmed Bucky’s shoulders, gently guiding him away from his current mission. Bucky whimpered and made to grab for Steve’s face.

“Buck, no,” Steve tried, grabbing hold of Bucky’s wrist.

“C’mon, Steve. Please,” Bucky whispered, a tear rolling down his cheek.

Steve couldn’t bear to see Bucky in so much pain, or, at least, that was his excuse for giving in. 

Bucky moved in again, and this time, Steve kissed back, much to Bucky’s delight. Bucky began to back up until his calves hit the couch, falling over and dragging Steve down with him by the shirt front. Bucky was running his tongue over the back of Steve’s teeth, detaching from his lips to mouth at his neck and suck on his pulse point.

Steve was groaning.

Bucky pushed on Steve’s chest, and Steve, getting the message, sat up, only to immediately have a lapful of Bucky. Steve grabbed at his ex’s ass while Bucky continued to leave a trail of sloppy wet kisses along Steve’s jaw and back to his mouth.

Bucky gasped when Steve bit his lip, his cock straining along the seam of his jeans. With all of his inhibitions out the window, Bucky slid off of Steve and onto his knees at his feet.

“Buck,” Steve warned, but he was met with a harsh ‘shhhh’.

Bucky fumbled with the button on Steve’s pants, missing the buttonhole three times before managing to slip the plastic out of place. He tugged Steve’s zipper down and clawed at the waistband of his briefs, unceremoniously yanking Steve’s pants down his thighs.

“Bucky-” Steve tried again, more insistent this time, but he was cut off with a loud moan. It had escaped his own mouth.

Bucky was quickly bobbing his head up and down on Steve’s dick, already taking the majority of his length into the back of his throat. Alcohol was certainly good for some things.

Steve, much to his own horror, allowed Bucky to continue, groaning every time Bucky suckled at the head or came up to suck his balls into his mouth with obscene, wet popping noises.

Finally, Steve got enough of his wits about him to tap Bucky on the shoulder and make him stop. Mortified, he yanked up his pants and drew Bucky up by the arm to sit next to him.

Bucky knew that he had fucked up, but he tried to kiss Steve again anyway. Steve, as he expected, leaned away.

All of a sudden, Bucky felt very self-conscious and stupid. He had styled his hair and worn the leather jacket that Steve once called sexy, hoping that he could get Steve riled up enough to agree to fucking him.

The second Bucky looked at his ex-boyfriend’s face, he knew that he had lost. Not just Steve, but his dignity and pride. He started to cry. Loud.

In an attempt to comfort him, Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky, who only made to push him away and face the other direction.

“Buck, I-” Steve tried, his voice catching in his throat at Bucky’s sobs.

“No,” Bucky hiccuped, “No, you don’t have to explain yourself to me. I’m so fucking stupid. God! I’m so stupid.” He cried even louder.

“Shh, Bucky. You’re gonna wake up my neighbors,” Steve half-whispered, hoping not to upset Bucky more.

“Yeah, sorry,” Bucky sniffled. Tears still streamed down his face, but he wasn’t sobbing anymore.

“Hey, look, I’m just gonna go and hope I don’t ever see you again, kay?” Bucky started to stand up, but was stopped by Steve.

“Where’re you gonna go. You’re still drunk and you don’t have a car. Look, it’s not that big a deal-”

“Not that big a deal? Not that big a- Wow, Steve, I knew you were an idiot, but I didn’t think you were this stupid. I just made myself look like the most desperate whore that ever lived in front of my ex-boyfriend, the man I am still in love with that will never love me back. You just proved that. I’m in so much pain Steve, it’s like I can’t even breathe right anymore without you. You took everything that I’ve ever wanted away from me. My whole outlook on the future was reduced to rubble the day you broke up with me. I thought, maybe, that I could fix shit, but then I saw you with that twink at the supermarket and I knew, I just knew, that I was never gonna be okay again. What do you have to say to that, Steve? Huh? Do you have anything to say that’s gonna make this whole thing better?” Bucky’s breathing was sharp and shallow, and a fresh wave of tears made its way down his face.

Steve was staring at his hands as he said, “I didn’t cheat on you.”

Bucky scoffed.

Steve looked up at him, determination in his eyes, as he repeated, “I didn’t cheat on you. That guy at the supermarket was someone that got too friendly with me too fast after he ran into me at Starbucks. I’m not seeing anyone right now, and I wasn’t seeing anyone else while I was with you. Are you really dumb enough to think that you’re the only one in pain?”

Bucky looked at him, and, for the first time, really saw the hurt in Steve’s own eyes.

“Bucky, the day I broke up with you was the worst day of my life. It was the worst decision I ever made, but I had to do it. I have never not loved you. But I’m moving, to LA, and I couldn’t ask you to follow me.” Steve swiped at a few tears of his own.

Bucky gasped, choking on a sob.

“Steve, I’d follow you anywhere,” he whispered.

“I know, and that’s why I had to do it. You have so much going for you here, Buck. My opportunities are on the other side of the country. Neither of us could handle a long distance relationship, and I’m not gonna let you follow me. I swear, I’ll keep in touch.” Steve was now holding Bucky’s hands between his own.

“When do you leave?” Bucky asked, utter and complete defeat in his voice.

“Don’t worry,” Steve reassured, caressing his ex-lover’s cheek, “I have a couple months left here.”

“Then why the fuck did you end it so early, god damn it!” Bucky half-shouted, the anger evident in his posture and his biting words.

“Because. We need a chance to move on enough to say goodbye,” Steve murmured.

Bucky nodded, letting more tears slip down his cheeks.

“When it comes to saying goodbye, are you at least gonna let me kiss you?” Bucky asked shyly, staring down at their entwined fingers.

Steve lifted Bucky’s chin with his index finger and his thumb and stared straight into his stormy gray eyes. Steve leaned in just enough to let their lips collide in a short, sweet kiss.

“You can always kiss me goodbye.”

The two smiled at each other. It was the last night Bucky would spend with Steve, but for the first time in months, he felt okay again.

**Author's Note:**

> How was it? Shit? Oh, okay. I kinda figured it would be. Oh well, you're stuck with it anyway. :P Lemme know if you want me to do more of these kinds of things or if you liked it, or if your dog found a dead mouse. Whatever you wanna tell me, let me know in the comments. I'll most likely respond.
> 
> I know, I know, I'm gonna go work on my other fic now... maybe.
> 
> As always, concrit is totally welcome, and don't forget to leave kudos if you enjoyed!
> 
> Thnks Fr Th Mmrs link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onzL0EM1pKY
> 
> *Update* When I posted this story, it didn't feel quite complete, so I added some stuff if you want to go back and read through it again. It's not much, but it definitely feels better to me. Oookay. Bye now!


End file.
